His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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