The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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