So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
