She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
