Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
