The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
