you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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