Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
