Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
