I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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