i just snorted my name. best moment ever
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
