Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My ass is underappreciated
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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