so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
