If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
