pedialite and red bull = repair kit
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
