Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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