he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
