I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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