New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
