My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
