he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
