cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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