Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
