Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
