I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
