I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
