My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
