I'm jealous of your bromance
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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