I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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