I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
