God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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