1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
there is puke in my bra ... again
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
