The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
