these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
soo... how was my night?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
