I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
tell your sister to shave her snatch
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
