you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
