is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
