i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
