I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
