the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize