So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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