She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
