i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
