just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
