I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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