When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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