i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
