i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
