someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
