How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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