im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
