chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
you never un-have a 4some
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
