There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
