No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize