Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
