ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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