The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
