I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
