If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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