dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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