So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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