i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
