He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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