That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
