You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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