HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
