Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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