So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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