I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
