everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
