he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
