dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
