I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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