I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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