I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
