the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
