Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
