I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
