Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
