last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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