do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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