Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize