I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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