I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
