my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
