Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
