I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
