$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
