She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize