the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
