I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
