1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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