Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize