I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize