so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize